Sugar Glass

Sometimes, I crave a box of candy—a whole box. If it says “share size,” all the better. But the candy never enriches the moment; it is the moment. It is a simple, distracting taste.

Sugar Glass

Unlike the dirt and unlike the Earth,

This sugar is a single shade of brown—

Granules like dress shoes, copied pairs,

Packed neatly in a closet—rotated

.

Unlike the day and unlike the clay

Sugar glass is brittle and fabricated—

Recipes routine as reluctant breakfast,

As your facade on a darkened screen

.

Unlike the noise of living joys

Sugar only whispers—

Shhh. Pour the portion, lose the time

Ponder a clock at 4:49

.

And with that sugar sweeten

Daily meals that rest upon a plate

That rests upon your bed—puffed pillows

That rest your sweetly dreaming head;

.

Saccharine glass upon the tongue,

Keeps all your fingers clean

Of dirt and Earth, clay and day,

And all the noise of living joys

In the Old Growth (a poem)

I am fortunate to live in a part of the world where old growth forests are a short drive down the road, where I can be a guest in another world.

In the Old Growth

To walk alone in the forest—

what a contradiction!

To walk alone in the forest

Is to walk through giant lives

More ancient than your own;

A spider at the dinner party

Inside a human’s home

Cover Photo property of WorldAtlas.com

For Voices Beyond Earth (a poem)

It’s difficult to look up into the night sky, full of countless stars, and not wonder if there is a voice to hear through the loneliness of space.

For Voices Beyond Earth

.-.. .. … – . -.

Pulses, rhythmic, emit out in Hertz—

The astral cacophony of radio waves;

Ears, hot and ionized, twitch and strain

For a word among phantom voices,

Echoes in code or a brief hello.

Diving, express, into the dark abyss

To places where time is malleable

And emptiness acts as the primal

Circumnavigator,

We wait and we listen for you there

.-.. .. … – . -.

god, 

if only photons were words

We might show faith in our radios

might translate Pulsars into Poems;

but the roar of prime num ber s

E

x

t

end only into increasing a bsu rdit y—

ce rtai nly we stand in a crowded room

s h o u t i n g  

Wanting more than ancestral divinity,

more than the clang and

steam-hiss

of mechanics, of worlds in their routine;

How deftly we listen in deafness,

Ear-muffed by the din of functional 

Infinity

.-.. .. … – . -.

Yet still our ears hallucinate,

In the quite of a clear night sky,

A desired guest

Knocking at the door—

Cover Image: promotional photo for the 2016 film, The Search for Life in Space

Sketch of a Seated Man

A poem written in a cold garage.

Sketch of a Seated Man

Man sits in his garage, the air damp with cold

A streak of gray scars his temples
His distended belly births no thoughts

Dogs bark and play beyond the walls

Obstructed by feral brush, a door opener
Besieged in crusts of battery acid

The boxes, stacked, sit silently

Among pens—full clips of ink—
Covered in untouched sheets of dust

Albums of last Spring surround him inside

Yet bring the frost tapping at the pane;
Clouded breath dulls his sight

Sit man, sit—

Keep the hand, pressed and waiting,
Against the fading temple door

***

Cover Photo: AI generated with NightCafe

Why They Tried to Ban Toni Morrison’s “Beloved”

In 1987, one of the U.S.A.’s most decorated writers published what would become one of her most celebrated works. And since that novel’s publication, Toni Morrison’s Beloved has been the target of challenges and bans across the nation.

Morrison’s novels are no strangers to opposition and censorship. The Bluest Eye took the #10 spot on the American Library Association’s Top 100 Most Banned and Challenged Books: 2010-2019. Song of Solomon has experienced suspensions from various school reading curriculums. And when the Texas Department of Criminal Justice sent Morrison a notification stating that her 1998 novel Paradise was being removed from all Texas prison libraries, Morrison iconically framed the document and hung it in her bathroom.

While attempted book bans are nothing new, the United States has seen a dramatic uptick in recent years. The number of book challenges/bans recorded by the American Library Association in the five year span of 2014-2019 averaged 361.6. The year 2021 alone saw a record breaking 1,597 challenges/bans. That unprecedented record was broken a mere one year later, in 2022, at a staggering 2,571 challenges and bans. Beloved stood among those books challenged in 2022.

A Bit About Beloved

Beloved follows the life of Sethe and her children. Sethe escapes slavery in 1855, a few years after the passing of The Fugitive Slave Act. This act dictated that runaway slaves remain the property of their slaveholders—even if those slaves had escaped to a free state—and which prioritized the return of slaves to their “owners.” The story opens with Sethe and her daughter Denver living in post Civil War Ohio. Their simple lives are complicated by the arrival of a mysterious young girl, whom Sethe believes may be the ghost of her dead daughter, Beloved. As the story unfolds, the reader discovers how Beloved died. Years earlier, when Sethe learned that her former slaveholder had found her and had arrived at her home to claim her, Sethe—in an act of love and desperation—killed Beloved, then only an infant, hoping to spare her from the horrors of slavery.

The narrative is based on the real life of Margaret Garner, a Kentucky woman who escaped slavery with her family in 1856. When federal marshals came to recapture her and her family, Garner, rather than allowing her children to be taken into slavery, attempted to kill her children. Margaret Garner was not charged for her actions because, under Kentucky law, Margaret was considered property—how can livestock commit “murder”? Beloved uses this real life event to explore the trauma and dehumanization slaves experienced, and to ask whether death would be a preferable alternative to life as a slave. The book’s honesty and deft handling of this event earned the novel the 1989 Pulitzer Prize, and helped Morrison earn the 1993 Nobel Prize in Literature.

The novel is now regarded as an American classic, a peer among John Steinbeck’s The Grapes of Wrath, Harper Lee’s To Kill a Mockingbird, Mark Twain’s The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. For decades, the novel has been a gem in the catalogue of nearly all American high school and public libraries. Yet now, a vocal minority has grouped it with other works they deem as inappropriately sexual and violent, as too mature, as something against which our high schoolers must be protected, and even as “pornography.” You cannot help but feel alarmed at the idea of pornography being exposed to minors, but are those seeking to ban Beloved being honest about their concerns?

A Who And A Why

One organization supporting the wave of book challenges/bans is Prager University [PragerU]. PragerU founder Dennis Prager was even a speaker at a Mom’s for Liberty convention in 2023; the political activist group, Mom’s for Liberty, has found itself a major player in the dramatic uptick in book challenges/bans. PragerU’s stated purpose is to act as a free, conservative counter to what they view as a liberal bias in “culture, media, and education,” and the organization has found success in this mission. Though PragerU is “not an accredited university, [and doesn’t] claim to be,” the organization recently was approved for use in Florida and Oklahoma classrooms. Some materials PragerU offers are lesson plans, worksheets, and (primarily) videos. A few of PragerU’s videos, like Toni Morrison’s Beloved, address the institution of slavery in the United States.

One such video, from the series Leo and Layla’s History Adventures, features a cartoon Christopher Columbus explaining his life as an explorer to a pair of time-traveling children from the modern day. The kids bring up a concern over Columbus’s involvement in slave trading, to which the Cartoon Columbus responds “Slavery is as old as time and has taken place in every corner of the world…Being taken as a slave is better than being killed, no? I don’t see the problem” (emphasis mine). The argument cartoon Columbus ultimately makes is that it’s unfair to judge the value’s of the past through the values of the modern day. Cartoon Columbus’s better-a-slave-than-dead statement is never questioned.

In another video of that same series, Leo and Layla meet Frederick Douglass. Cartoon Douglass explains why unlawful protest—which the video calls “radical”—is harmful to a cause. Cartoon Douglass proposes that the U.S. was built to gradually eliminate slavery, and thus the best way to abolish slavery is through compromise and through working lawfully within “the American system.” These words put into the mouth of Frederick Douglass should raise eyebrows, as Douglass supported and assisted in The Underground Railroad—which worked outside the American System to help slaves break the law by escaping slavery (Douglass himself was an escaped slave)—practiced civil disobedience by unlawfully going into whites-only spaces as a form of protest, described himself as a “radical” in his support for women’s suffrage, and tirelessly recruited for the Union during the Civil War. Most incredibly, this video doesn’t mention, or even allude to the Civil War, an event resulting from “the American system” failing to deliver on what cartoon Douglass promised. If PragerU’s version of history is correct, that slavery can be—and as this video implies, was—abolished by working and compromising lawfully inside “the American system,” one is left wondering how the born-from-compromise Fugitive Slave Act came into being, how the Supreme Court came to their 1857 decision in the Dred Scott v. Sanford case that the Constitution does not extend to African Americans, or how “the American system” collapsed into the bloodiest war in U.S. history.

The final video I’ll mention gives a brief biography of Confederate General, Robert E. Lee(1). Among other points, the video mentions that Lee crushed a slave rebellion led by abolitionist John Brown, and mentions that Lee believed freed slaves should be educated but not be allowed to vote. Lee stopping an abolitionist rebellion against slavery and being against Black Americans voting are presented as reasons why Lee should be honored in the modern day. Furthermore, the video quotes Robert E. Lee saying, “[Slavery is] a greater evil to the white man than to the black race, since blacks are immeasurably better off here than in Africa.” The video offers no further commentary on this quote or its implications, presents the quote as a positive for the argument about why Lee should still be honored, and seems to intend that the viewer be in unquestioned agreement with the quote.

Together, these videos lay a foundation for a version of slavery that couldn’t have been so bad. Better that Black individuals be enslaved in the Americas than free in Africa. Better to work alongside and find compromise within the system that allows the institution of slavery, that allows the passing of the Fugitive Slave Act and a Supreme Court decision that upholds slavery. Better that a human live as property than be dead.

In light of such a view on slavery, the contempt for at least one American classic becomes clearer. How are students meant to buy into PragerU’s narrative on slavery presented in their history class, if they’re reading the condemnation and damning refutation of that narrative in their English class? If Beloved is left in school libraries, is it not simply a matter of time before a student checks out the book and begins to question some significant inconsistencies? Could it be that the reason we didn’t notice for over 35 years that one of our most cherished novels was too mature, too violent, and too pornographic for high schoolers is because the real issue some people take with Beloved has little to do with “maturity,” “violence,” or “pornography”?

Conclusion

When I speak of Beloved, I speak of all the books that have recently come under scrutiny from groups like Moms for Liberty and from indoctrination(2) centers like PragerU. One thing these organizations and I agree on is that books have the power to influence the way people view and understand their world. The goal to present an incomplete, fragile version of history cannot find success without simultaneously finding a way to control the conversation around that history. To read a book is to be in conversation, is to glimpse the world through eyes that are not your own, is to briefly surrender your control over how you currently understand your world.

As with Beloved, if we inspect long enough the ideas and narratives of those seeking to ban books, and the ideas and narratives of the books they are seeking to ban, we will see how quickly the thin veil of “too mature,” “too violent,” “too pornographic!”—falls away.

1: The Robert E. Lee video has since been deleted by PragerU, after it received harsh criticism, hence why a re-upload is linked.

2: This is not an editorialization. Dennis Prager has openly described what he does as “indoctrination” (see his Moms for Liberty speech, linked in this article).

Cover picture my own

Young at Heart (a villanelle)

“Wanderlust” is a word English borrowed from German. It describes the desire to travel, when enjoyment comes mainly from the journey, rather than the destination. The “travel” here is usually thought of as literal, physical—but does it need to be?

Humans have a tendency to settle as they age, though I do not believe the spirit of wanderlust settles, but changes forms.

Young at Heart

Let me indulge my aging wanderlust
To places where the sirens lead me on,
I wish to brush my fingers free of rust

Let me be ships that sail in gale and gust
Across horizons in their ruby dawn,
Let me indulge my aging wanderlust

My present days are littered thick with dust
The sails upon the mast are tightly drawn,
I wish to brush my fingers free of rust

What storms alight when dreams from youth adjust,
When guiding bowsprits’ sculptures are long gone?
How to indulge my aging wanderlust?

Hulls curl and grip the land’s hard, aching crust
I rest upon the beach of time’s anon—
And here is where my fingers gather rust

So I’ll become the sailors-wind I trust,
Bow down and leave my keel of mulch upon
A wish to brush my fingers free of rust—
Let me indulge an ageless wanderlust

Cover Photo: A.I. generated with NightCafe

The Iris Bloom (a poem)

The way we appreciate a thing can be so tightly wound up with who we perceive ourselves to be. Yet the way we love a flower or a book, they way we’re moved by a song, can be shared in others without any input from us. Eventually, our personal experience will be lost to time, but The Experience will last for eons.

The Iris Bloom

“Without me” The thought of my dying day,
Like the sun drying the musk after rain;
My horizontal left-behind eaten by roots
Until the atoms I’d carried are free—
The dawn arises on a day without me.

“Without me,” like the kiss of reassurance,
Which lightens the pain of scraped knees;
I am lost-blood on the pavement, oxidized
—such a quickly healing injury
For the child who plays on days without me.

“Without me” the garden I keep will wither,
Rainbow blossoms will fade to dust—
Yet in a distant sunshine, an Iris blooms
And passersby pause their day to gaze;
They see purple and yellow, lightning and glee

See a flower that raptures, without me.

Cover Image: Photo of Irises from Epic Gardening

The Butterfly Effect

The illusion of eyes on a butterfly wing developed naturally. The butterfly isn’t conscious of the pattern, has no conception of how many times its body has saved its life.

The Butterfly Effect

Eyes of the butterfly,
Spotted by a bird in hunt,
Awake as wings unfold

Ghost of an owl alights,
Wide gazes, like talons,
Sharpen in the flesh—

Bird’s apex is usurped,
Jolted by this gust of light,
By devils in the wings…

Bird cedes to the bristles;
Turns to new pursuits
As butterfly ripples turn with her.

Butterfly shuts her wings
Having turned the course of life,
Unaware of salvation’s eyes—

Unaware of the gale in her flutter

Common Buckeye Butterfly (Junonia coenia) with eyespots

Cover image A.I. generated through NightCafe

Body image by Jill Staake, for Birds&Bloom

Wild Conjecture: Hypotheses of the Universe

“Suppose the beginning of the universe was like the South Pole … to ask what happened before the beginning of the universe would become a meaningless question, because there is nothing south of the South Pole.”

— Stephen Hawking

South of South: The Beginning of Our Universe

The term “The Big Bang” is commonplace. But like A.I. generated art, the idea’s first impression is alluring while its deeper implications and purpose confound everybody. The more we consider the idea, the more we ask ourselves, “what the hell is this?”

To grossly oversimplify for lay people—including myself—the theory* is that the spacetime of our universe was once condensed into a singular point (the singularity). Spacetime has since, and is still, expanding. After billions of years of runaway chemistry, subatomic particles have bonded into states which make up the universe as we see it today. The full truth is more complex, having to do with our universe either being flat or only appearing flat, quantum mechanics as it relates to relativity, the non-emptiness of empty space, and other factors which I’m incapable of incorporating correctly into my hypothesis. But if the age of the internet has taught us anything, it’s that being a complete non-expert on a subject should have no bearing on how often or with what authority we insert ourselves into conversations about that topic.

Sticking with my simple definition of the Big Bang, a conundrum still arises: why did spacetime expand? This conundrum has teased scientists and the general public alike, but fear not! A rando on the internet (me) will explain! Let’s first consider how a singularity would have affected the “time” aspect of “spacetime.” 

Anyone who’s seen Christoper Nolan’s 2014 blockbuster Interstellar is likely familiar with the concept of how gravity affects time. The denser an object, the stronger its gravitational force; the stronger the gravitational force, the more it pulls on the flow of time, thus “slowing down” time (another gross oversimplification, but as implied, I’m not an astrophysicist). This concept may seem dressed in all the best drag of science fiction, but it is a core aspect of Einstein’s famous Theory of Relativity. In fact, the GPS in your phone must account for the relativity of time in order to function accurately. Amazing! But let’s take this knowledge of “time is malleable” and apply it to our universe’s “beginning.”

In the beginning was a body of mass so dense that its gravitational force was functionally “infinite.” And under this infinite force, all the laws of physics broke down from their currently-understood constants and merged into a homogenous soup of “physic.” A definition from Universe Today phrases it, “[A singularity] is a point in which all physical laws are indistinguishable from one another, where space and time are no longer interrelated realities, but merge indistinguishably and cease to have any independent meaning.” Trippy—brain breaking even, but like a supermodel recovering from a trip on the runway, let’s march fiercely onward as though we hadn’t just broken our intellectual ankle.

But wait, if gravity and spacetime were indistinguishable, and gravity slows time down, does that mean that an infinite gravitational force, in order to become one with spacetime, would have to infinitely slow down time? If yes, wouldn’t infinitely slow time mean that time is not moving? And if time is not moving, does it even exist?

Herein lies the “trick” of infinity. Infinity—as far as we know—doesn’t exist. It is a placeholder for numbers so large (or small) they might as well go on for forever. Our use of “infinity” is much like the way we say that Pi is 3.14. Pi is NOT 3.14, but lunch starts in five minutes, so close enough. In our singularity, time is only almost at a stand still. And since the laws of physics cannot condense down into an infinitely homogeneous soup, then perhaps our singularity never was—or never could have been—infinitely (perfectly) stable. 

At some “time” the gravitational center of the singularity, not being infinitely stable, is pushed by a few bouncing particles a bit to the left (whichever direction is “left” in space). Remember, if infinity is not possible, time cannot ever come to a full stop, thus our bouncing particles are allowed to do something that takes time, like bounce. Gravity, being gravity, begins attracting matter to this new, slightly off center, center of gravity. The more matter is pulled off center, the more unstable our singularity becomes. The instability increases exponentially until, bang, the singularity rips itself apart; and just like the Voyager spacecraft using Jupiter’s gravity as a slingshot, the gravity of the singularity slingshots matter out into the universe. Gravity is stretched and, necessarily, spacetime stretches (or expands) as well.

The fact that “infinity” cannot be possible is the very concept that necessitates the expansion or “beginning” of our current universe. Because “infinite” density cannot actually be achieved, true gravitational stability of the infinite singularity is an impossibility. Spacetime must expand—our current universe must begin.

At the North Pole, Every Direction is South: What’s “The End”? 

Like a 1990’s point-and-click adventure, our solution to one puzzle has brought us to another, seemingly more obtuse puzzle: If infinity is impossible, the singularity can only be near infinitely old. Why did our universe not begin sooner (14 billion years, relative to near-infinity, isn’t so long a time)? 

Fortunately for us, life is not like a 1990’s point-and-click. There is no insane “moon logic” to deal with; reality functions how it functions, and logical processes can be inferred and tested (admittedly, neither the universe nor the point-and-clicks of the early ’90s seem to give a damn about human intuition). So is there a reasonable extrapolation for why the universe began? I propose, yes. 

Time, as we experience it, is part of the “fabric” of the universe, part of spacetime. The reason time moves at different speeds depending on the gravitational force is because gravity is “bending” spacetime. And if the universe is made of spacetime, all the matter in the universe must be bending the entire plane of spacetime. But as the universe expands outward (as we know it is), is it possible for the bending of spacetime to completely flatten? Our current, relatively young universe already appears flat, though we aren’t sure if the appearance is the whole picture.

Imagine that the bending of spacetime can be measured in units of whatever aspect of gravity bends spacetime (“bendy units” or “BUs”). The farther that matter expands outward, the lower the number of BUs, and the weaker the force of gravity affecting spacetime. The weaker the force of gravity, the faster matter propels away from matter as time speeds up due to the unbending of spacetime. 

Imagine that 100 BUs represents a truly infinite singularity, which would be stable. That’s impossible. So shouldn’t 0 BUs, an infinitely spread out universe, also be impossible?

If the fabric of spacetime cannot be fully unbent, cannot become perfectly flat, then our universe must remain spherical—or some other, non-infinitely-flat shape—in composition. Considering the size of the universe, perhaps the reason we see the whole of spacetime as essentially flat is the same reason early humans saw the Earth as essentially flat; they were too small, relative to the planet, to notice any curve in the plane as a whole. If the observable universe is giving us the same “flat horizon” illusion, if the fabric of spacetime is curved, we have no reason to believe that the curve won’t cause spacetime to circle back in on itself. Much like traveling in a straight line on a globe, you will end up where you started; you can only travel so far north before you begin traveling south again. In doing this, I propose that the beginning moment of the universe and the final moment of the universe are the same point in space and time. 

The “bang” of our universe was not only its beginning, but its end.

Conclusion

Again, I am no astrophysicist, nor do I have the mathematical knowledge needed to begin even a cursory exploration of my hypotheses, but I put them forward here for a reason. These hypotheses are a celebration of what our minds can do. Despite our ape brains still reeling from fear of noises in the dark, those same brains have adapted an incredible ability to think, reason, and imagine. We are scientifically minded beings, and being “just a layperson” is a terrible reason to avoid seriously pondering how and why our reality functions the way it does. Science is not a practice accessible only to those in the tallest ivory towers; science—following the curiosity that drives us to understand the reality in which we live—is the birthright of humanity. 

I propose that we all embrace our birthright to the fullest of our abilities.

. . .

Disclaimer: As I hope was sufficiently implied in the text, this article is speculation based on my own enthusiasm for pondering the makeup of reality, and is not intended as an accurate representation of what astrophysicists and cosmologists have discovered about our universe.

For a real explanation of these topics, check out A Universe from Nothing by Lawrence Kraus, and Astrophysics for People in a Hurry by Neil deGrasse Tyson.

*”A Theory” in science refers to the best, most vigorously tested collection of facts—which together can predict further discoveries—we have for an aspect of observed reality. It does not mean “guess,” as the word “theory” is used in everyday speech.

Cover Image property of Geographical Magazine

Found Riches

I’ll never forget the first time I realized that fallen fur needles, when blanketing the forest floor, aren’t brown but rather dozens of shades copper and gold, with streaks of iridium. Now, whenever I find myself in a nature, I know to look for such treasures.

Found Riches

Spot the glint off a new dime
But look up to the moon through mist—
Her halo reaches out to the reaching ape,
Whose children we call astronomers;

Mulched brown of a penny from your birth year
Is the color of an ancient Spruce, now fallen—
Having breathed millennium’s wind, a life ends,
Yet fosters breath in the day-old saplings;

Curious, a child unclutches green linen
To free the hand for dancing spines—
The prickle of a living sand dollar, priceless
To find a pulse outside your own;

Polished gold and silver monarchs in the dirt,
Notice their shine is never truly bright—
Bright is a firefly in the hug of Summer’s evening,
And the memory of bare feet and empty jar;

When to watch and to listen is to unearth
The white rapids in your spine—
To hear Reality whisper, “Here I am”—
How listless the thrill of found money

Cover Image AI generated with NightCafe